Curse

Alex319 · Jun 11, 2005, 06:31 PM // 18:31

This thread is inspired by an item in the "You Know You've Been Playing Guild Wars Too Long When..." thread. The item is reprinted below (edited a bit):

- When you start creating builds for real people like:

Level 20 Supervisor
Attributes:
Bitch 14 (Major Bitch Hairdo)
Nagging 13 (Minor Voicebox of Nagging)
Compassion 2

Skills:

"No you don't!" [Elite] - Unlinked skill. Whatever action employee was about to do that would be beneficial is now cancelled. No recharge time, fully spammable.

Stay Late - Linked attribute: Bitch. Keep employee in workplace for extra 20-500 minutes.

"You messed up!" - Linked attribute: Nag. The next time employee misses in combat, berate employee for 2 - 20 weeks or until employee dies.

"About your breaks..." - Linked attribute: Bitch. Recall employee from Break. Employee still suffers moral deficit from leaving break. If employee was eating, employee is knocked down and suffers 90-500 damage.

Saturday - Linked attribute: Bitch. Target employee is drained of all days off. If employee had plans, employee is drained of all energy and the will to live.

Write Up - Linked attribute: Nag. If one of your employees dies, place blame squarely on target other employee. If employee was working, target employee takes demotion.

Parking Spot - Unlinked skill. Steal target employee's parking spot for 20-40 days. During that time, target employee's parking spot is unusable by him/her.

Bull Excuse - Unlinked skill. For the next 1-9 days, if you are wrong, the fallacy is replaced by Bull Excuse which will be bought by upper management. Your other excuses are unavailable for 2-3 weeks.

I think I can make a better Supervisor build, but I need to unlock some really hard to get Elite Supervisor Skills.

-

(Just as a side note, there are some mistakes: the "Saturday" and "Write Up" skills have linked attributes even though there are no variable parameters that could be affected by the attributes, and the "Parking Spot" and "Bull Excuse" skills are unlinked even though they have variable parameters. Also, there's only 7 skills total.)

This is a thread where you can post your own "builds" for real people in the same basic style as the one above. I'll start out by posting the build of a math teacher that I particularly disliked (and am glad I will never have to see again now that I just graduated high school a few days ago).

Alex319 · Jun 11, 2005, 06:34 PM // 18:34

Level 20 Teacher

Attributes:
Yelling – 14
Attitude – 14
Actual Teaching Ability – 2

Skills:

Ramble Ramble [Elite] - Unlinked skill. Prevents all students in classroom from learning for 10-45 minutes, chosen randomly.

Talk Firmly – Linked attribute: Yelling. Interrupts target student’s current action. If student was asking a question, he is knocked down and all his question skills, as well as the question skills of all other students in the classroom, are disabled for 1-7 days.

“Read the Book!” – Linked attribute: Attitude. Cancels the effect of target student’s last question. If answer to the question is actually in the book, this skill is disabled for 24 hours but you gain 10-50 points of moral superiority.

Unfair Grading – Linked attribute: Attitude. Take 1-10 points off of target’s last homework assignment. If target tries to question your grading practices, he receives the “I’m Stupid” hex and takes double damage from all Yelling skills for the next 2-4 weeks.

Block Communication – Linked attribute: Yelling. If target student attempts to contact another educational professional, such as a guidance counselor, about your unfair practices, he takes 50-200 points of Yelling damage.

“Common Sense!” – Linked attribute: Attitude. For the next 2-5 weeks, target cannot view skill descriptions, his own health bar, health bars of teammates or enemies, or any conditions, hexes, or enchantments on him. If he had “common sense”, he would know what was going on without looking at any of them.

Preemptive Yell – Linked attribute: Yelling. All students in classroom become so afraid of your loud voice that they cannot move or use skills for the next 1-5 minutes.

Random Anger – Linked attribute: Attitude. For the next 20-45 minutes, you are put into one of the following stances, chosen randomly: “Angry”, “Slightly Less Angry”, “Really Angry”, “Really Really Angry”, “I Don’t Feel Like Teaching”, “I Really Hate This Job But I Have No Plans On Quitting,” or “Everyone Here Is An Arrogant, Incompetent Idiot, Except Myself.”

Principa Discordia · Jun 11, 2005, 07:04 PM // 19:04

Level 20 Metalhead/Goth [M/Go]

Attributes:
Angst - 13
Morbidity - 10
Ebil - 12

Superior Rune Of Cheese And Whine.

Skills:

1.) Dance Of Metalheads - For 330 seconds, user has +30 armour against bashing attacks. (Attrib: Angst.)

2.) "Turn That Crap Off!" - When cast, all surrounding enemies are dealt 60 sound damage (before armour) every second for 8 seconds. (Attrib: Morbidity.)

3.) "Cheer Up Emo Kid" - When cast, all enemies in area suffer a -15% to morale. (Attrib: Morbidity.)

4.) Spiritual Metamorphosis - When cast, target immediately switches to a random non-mainstream religion or spirituality but gains an increased sensitivity to Judo-Christian faiths. Higher Ebil attribute determines religion from Wicca, Paganism, Asatru, and Satanism. (Attrib: Ebil.)

5.) Overly Cliché - For 12 seconds, target is invulnerable to all forms of criticism. (Attrib: Angst.)

6.) Brotherhood Of Steel - When used, caster gains an intimate knowledge of melee weapons and does +20 damage per hit for 10 seconds.

EchoSex · Jun 11, 2005, 07:09 PM // 19:09

*Claps* Bravo! Bravo! Heres one to top it off :3

Level 20 Girlfriend

Atributes:
Depression - 12
Fighting Tactics - 10
Ownership - 5

Skills:

"You never take me anywhere!" [Elite] - Unlinked. Target suffers a mental break down and wallet drains by 2 of a duration of 12 hours or untill user is satisfied.

"What ever happend to the man I loved?" - Linked: Depression. User suffers from harsh depression and regret, causing an energy degeneration of 3 for up to 36 hours. Target suffers both energy and health degeneration of 5 for same duration.

Beloved Item Throw - Linked: Fighting Tactics. User throws one of the target's most loved posestions at the target, causing 20+ damage. If the target evades or blocks, the attack is used again untill landed.

"I Dare You." - Linked: Fighting Tactics. A raised eyebrow and crossed arms is weilded by the user and causes the target's evasivness and speed to drop by 20%.

My House - Linked: Ownership. User has full control over dwelling, including thermostate, remote control, telephone and all sources of internet access. Hand towels and coffee tables are off limits to any targets withen boundries of dwelling.

"It's not you, it's me." (Truth) - Linked: Depression. User is affected by depression and suffers energy degeneration of 2. All heals casted from target to regain self esteem are applied to skill user.

"It's not you, it's me." (Lie) - Linked: Fighting Tactics. User pretends to be affected by depression. All heals casted from target to regain self esteem are applied to skill user with the after effect of regret.

ManadartheHealer · Jun 11, 2005, 08:01 PM // 20:01

Level 20 Drunk

Attributes

Stupidity-12
Fury-12
Perception-6 (Primary) (Superior Rune of Tolerance)

1)Throw Glass-Skill. Throws the nearest glass at target enemy. That enemy suffers 75 damage and is knocked down if they were in the process of drinking themselves (Attribute-Fury)
2)"You wanna fight?"-Shout. For the next 10 seconds, you cannot be knocked down and have an additional 40 armor. When the shout ends, you are knocked down and suffer 10 damage (Attribute-Fury)
3) Chug Beer-Skill. For the next 78 seconds, whenever you are using a skill, spell, or shout, you cannot be knocked down and you take half damage. (Attribute-Stupidity)
4)Slurred Speech-Spell. For the next 100 seconds, nobody can understand a word you say. If someone tries to listen, they are knocked down and suffer 30 damage. (Attribute-Stupidity)
5)Fall Flat on your Face-Stance. For the next 20 seconds, all enemies within range of FFoyF cannot attack you, they are to busy laughing. (Unlinked)
6)Beer Belly-Skill. You gain 10 torso armour for each beverage you drink. This also decreases the duration of time you are passed out for. (Attribute-Perception)
7)Drive Home [Elite Stance]-After getting plastered, you attempt to drive home. Everything on the path from the bar to your house suffers 700 damage as the car passes. After using this skill, you lose all but 1 HP and you suffer from extended sessions of AA (Attribute-Stupidity)

Omega_2005 · Jun 11, 2005, 08:26 PM // 20:26

You're missing one there as a switch:

Throw bottle[Elite Skill] - Throws a bottle at an target enemy. Target suffers 100-500 damage, depending on size of bottle and amount of p--- left in, and knocks enemy down (Attribute: Fury)

airbox · Jun 11, 2005, 11:36 PM // 23:36

Level 20 Korean

Attributes
Gaming - 15 (Superior Rune of Gaming)
Disregard for Real-Life - 11
Use of some sort of English - 4

"Adrenaline Surge" [Elite Skill] - For 15 minutes, reflexes and reaction time increases along with gaming knowledge by 15%. (Attribute - Gaming)

"Random Barrage of Korean Insults" [Elite Skill] - Bombards targeted enemy with incomprehensive Korean insults for 30 seconds, doing 100 damage per insult (1 second). (Attribute - Use of some sort of English)

"I pwn you are stupid noob!" - Poor English skills detoriates and angers enemies surrounding you causing them to lose -20 Armor. (Attribute - Use of some sort of English )

"Super Crazy Korean Ancient Secret Usage of Mouse" Improves accuracy with adept use of mouse for 50 seconds. (Attribute - Gaming)

"LAN Gold Membership Discount" - Thanks to your dedication of countless years at these LAN's, you now have unlimited access to computers and internet (Increases Attack Speed by %20) (Attribute - Disregard for Real Life)

"Unroll Sleeping Bag" - Roll out your sleeping bag and rest for 20 minutes! You will have increased HP of %120 for two hours. (Attribute - Disregard for Real Life)

"Keyboard and Mouse 1337ness position" Stance, for 8 seconds all use of offensive moves are increased in effectivity by %80. (Attribute - Gaming)

"STFU NOOB" - Knocks down enemy for 40 damage. (Attribute - Use of some sort of English)

"Online Friends / LAN Friends" Calls over 200 fellow Koreans to the rescue (Does not apply to non-virtual world outside of games, the Internet, and LAN). (Attribute - Disregard for Real Life)

"Dedication" - For the next 20 years, all attributes increases by %40, but when effect ends, you feel a great wave of depression, causing you to go crazy and murder someone or yourself over virtual data. (Attribute - Disregard for Real Life)

"Live Not-So-Vicariously" - Enchantment, as long as thie enchantment holds, your presence depresses enemies nearby and cause them to lose 1% of their HP per second. (Attribute - Disregard for Real Life)

This is it for now, will add later, gtg out

and if you don't think this is funny, that means i blew your funny fuse.

EchoSex · Jun 12, 2005, 12:15 AM // 00:15

*Laughs hard* I don't mean to be seen as hypocritical or any crap like that, but I have to admit. That is funny as hell. And to anyone who says it isn't funny- WAKE UP! This is how you enjoy life and make bad things NOT happen. If you bring this stuff the surface as a joke to make you laugh, it doesn't boil up into an actual hate. It's like a comedian once said, "We call eating differnt foods being hypocritical. Like, Asians like rice, or black people like chicken, and white people like steak.. People say: Oh you eat tacos, that must make you Mexican. That doesn't make you a differnt race or human being. Do you know what that makes you? Hungry."

Laugther really IS the best medicine : ) So cheer up folks. Laugh a bit, and while some things can't be taken as a joke, just atleast consider the comedy in it. I mean, the only reason why alot of people didn't go bananas in any war is because they have a sick sense of humor or died before they got a chance to go home.

Alzbeta · Jun 13, 2005, 08:16 PM // 20:16

Level 17 Teenager

Attributes:
Drama - 12 (Superior Rune of Selfishness)
Rebellion - 9
Sloth - 5

With heightened defence against Domination and Inspiration techniques, Teenagers make the ultimate anti-Mesmer. They are weak to well-contrived strategy, however, being unable to grasp the concepts of sacrifice and teamwork.

1. "You Just Don't Understand!" {Elite} - All PCs and NPCs in range take 100 wind damage and are knocked down. If a party member was casting healing/protection spells on the Teenager, that party member takes an additional 25 shock damage. Causes exhaustion. (Attribute: Drama)

2. Ingratitude - For 60 seconds, any healing/protection spells cast on Teenager deal a mirror amount of damage back to the caster. (Attribute: Rebellion)

3. "Maxed Out" - For 120 seconds, all party members suffer -10 energy regeneration. Teenager gains 10 energy regeneration per party member. (Attribute: Unlinked)

4. Dress Inappropriately - Stance. While stance is in use, for each piece of armor not equipped, Teenager gains +10 vs. Domination magic. (Attribute: Rebellion)

5. Facade - For 120 seconds, Teenager gains the ability to charm any PC or NPC visible. After the enchantment is broken, Teenager is attacked by the target. (Attribution: Drama)

6. Know It All - While enchantment is maintained, Teenager gains all skills and spells equipped by party members. However, Teenager suffers 80% chance of failure with all skills gained in this manner. (Unlinked)

7. Spring Break {Elite} - Target PC/NPC is stripped of all enchantments, and AL is reduced by half. PCs/NPCs in target area are affected by Drunkenness, and suffer 95% failure rate for all attacks/casts for 60 seconds. (Attribute: Drama)

8. Long Weekend - Stance. While maintaining this stance, Teenager gains 15 health and energy regeneration. Stance ends when Teenager attacks or moves. (Attribute: Sloth)

...

No, I don't have teenagers of my own, but I was there only a few short years ago, and I never have understood people my own age...

ManadartheHealer · Jun 13, 2005, 10:33 PM // 22:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alzbeta

I never have understood people my own age...

I don't understand any people (I don't discriminate by age

).

EchoSex · Jun 13, 2005, 10:59 PM // 22:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alzbeta

7. Spring Break {Elite} - Target PC/NPC is stripped of all enchantments, and AL is reduced by half. PCs/NPCs in target area are affected by Drunkenness, and suffer 95% failure rate for all attacks/casts for 60 seconds. (Attribute: Drama)

Hahaha, thats classic. And yeah, how does the phrase go? "Hell is other people"? Lol. We will never understand eachother, but you guys seem pretty cool ^.^

Alzbeta · Jun 13, 2005, 10:59 PM // 22:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by ManadartheHealer

I don't understand any people (I don't discriminate by age

).

You know, now that you mention it...

Excellent point.

Dumb Quixote · Jun 13, 2005, 11:11 PM // 23:11

Level 20 Toddler

Attributes:
Tantrum - 14
Persistence - 10
Distraction - 6

Skills:

Fists of Fury - Linked attribute: Tantrum. Target is stunned for 10-15 seconds. If in stance, everything being carried is dropped. If moving, target is knocked down. 10/5/10

Wobbler {Elite} - Linked attribute: Tantrum. Target suffers humiliation and shame. If knocked down, Target's movement is restricted for 20 seconds. 25/0/90

GimmeGimmeGimme - Linked attribute: Persistence. Interrupts target foe's current skill and disables for 15 seconds. 5/0/0

"Why?" - Linked attribute: Persistence. Interrupt that reduces armor of all foes and eventually causes exhaustion. 10/5/5

"Cat's on fire" - Linked attribute: Distraction. A Level 4 spirit is created. For targets in range, all skills take longer to accomplish and end in less than satisfying results. 5/10/20

Parental Weakness - Unlinked skill. For 8-20 seconds, toddler moves 25% faster and discovers all hidden pressure buttons for parents. 5/1/60

Sovetskeey · Jun 14, 2005, 03:39 AM // 03:39

Level 20 Computer Nerd
Leetness 14 (Nerd's Rune of Superior Leetness)
Insults 13 (Nerd's Rune of Superior Insults)
Arrogance 10

Skills:
"I did your mom!" - Target foe suffers from crying for (15...45) seconds. (Linked Attribute: Insults)

"I R t3h 1337!" - Player moves mouse 25% faster but types 50% slower for (30...120) seconds. (Linked Attribute: Leetness)

Back to the Computer - Player eats supper 50% faster. (Linked Attribute: Leetness)

Uber Skillz {Elite} - Lose all remaining friends. Player's life becomes fulfilled. (Linked Attribute: Leetness)

Share - Give 5 energy to target ally, steal 75% max health from that ally. (Linked Attribute: Arrogance)

High and Mighty {Elite} - For (12...24) seconds player throws random racist and sexist insults at target foe. Player gains (15...45) self-satisfaction for each insult thrown. (Linked Attribute: Insults)

Anonymity of the Internet {Elite} - Player makes death threats to target foe. If player's age is less than 14, player gains infinite self-satisfaction until foe shows up at player's door. (Linked Attribute: Leetness)

All I can come up with at this point

Omega_2005 · Jun 14, 2005, 07:25 AM // 07:25

Additional skill for Teenager

"No-but-yeah-but...SHADDAP!" [ELITE] (Attrib: Rebellion) Target has 75% more chance to hit on next attack, but suffers from confusion (quarters all attack/defense skills and Chance of hitting/succeeding) afterwards for 200 seconds

12eckoning · Jul 14, 2005, 02:55 AM // 02:55

lvl 50 "me"
sexiness:99
perfectness:99
spelling:-99

PieXags · Jul 14, 2005, 03:12 AM // 03:12

Lvl 20 ---Pie

Attributes:

Delicious Filling: 12 (11+1)
Orgasmic Overall Goodness: 15 (12+3)
Multi-Flavor: 10

Attacks:

Supreme Creme {E}: Release a blast of random filling (cherry, blueberry, or pecan), depending on sort of filling released, all surrounding enemies take 90 delicious damage and are either knocked down by the awesomeness of cherry, diseased for 20 seconds by the brilliance of blueberry, or dazed by the ultimate goodness that is pecan filling.

Pie Eating Contest: All party members gain 80-300 total health but move 30% slower for 50 seconds.

The First Piece: Throw a piece of pie at target enemy that strikes for 40-115 damage. (50% failure with multi-flavor of 5 or less)

Store-Bought Crust: For 60 seconds your attack skills do 30-60 more damage but are more easily interrupted (from crumbling of course).

Stuck To Plate: For 20 seconds target foe and all surrounding foes move 50% slower than normal. This hex cannot be removed in any way.

Crumble: Move 33% faster for 20 seconds but take twice as much damage from physical attacks.

Pie Only: The next time target enemy casts a spell on an ally, the spell is interrupted and caster takes 80 damage unless target ally is of the "pie" profession.

Last Bite: Target foe takes 20-40 damage, if target foe has less than 50% maximum health that foe takes an additional 80 chocolate damage.

Pevil Lahuta's Pet Moa · Jul 14, 2005, 05:26 AM // 05:26

lvl 20-Ridiculously Obese Man (commonly called the 'fat basterd'

Attributes:
Appetite 15 (Superior rune of Pizza Hut coupons)
Odor 12
TV watching 13

Skill's:

Deadly Gas - linked attribute odor. All players in the same room fall victim to a wretched fart, and are forced to retreat to outdoors.

"Are you gonna eat that?" - linked attribute appetite. All players sitting at the same table are forced to submit what remains of their meal.

Indigestion - Temporarily makes bathroom unuseable to all other players.

Lifosuction - Lowers all attributes, and allows player to fit through door frames gor 2-6 months.

Cannonball - Drains all water in other player's pools

Take off shirt - Blinds all players within 20 yards.

( I rushed and didn;t make this as good as it could have been, and i hope mno1 is offended)

Guillaume De Sonoma · Aug 28, 2005, 12:05 AM // 00:05

lvlo 20- Daddy's Little Girl

Attributes:
Richness: 15 (supperior rune of rich daddy)
Stuck-upness 12
Posse Skills 13 (minor rune of poularity)

Skill's:

1.Pleaseeeeeeee Daddy: Gain one possesion from anyone or anystore. If the item came from the store the store owner gains 50-300 dollars. If it belonged to some one (non-store owner) the spell has a 50% chance of failing and if it does fail all nearby characters suffer temporary deafness for 10-25 seconds. (Richness)

2.Fake Cry (elite skill): Temporarily gain control of anyone with sympathy 5 or higher to either beat up somebody for you, or either buy something if Pleaseeeeeeee Daddy fails. (Non-Related)

3.Raise Nose: Targets nose is raised high in the air for 10-60 seconds. All surronding non-posse members feel pockets and are reminded of how poor they are. They will also suffer depression for 60-600 seconds. (Stuck-upness)

4.Call Jock: Call two target jocks to deal 10-300 damage and drain morale 10-30 points. (posse skills)

5.Spread Rumor: Target enemy experences 10-80 humiliation damage and on critical will run to the bathroom. (Posse Skills)

6.Flaunt: Flaunt any one object of wealth the all surronding enemies do not have. All enemies in this area losses 10-15 morale and 25-60 depression damage. (Richness)

7.Hmmph: Angry sigh: Target is blammed for making you unhappy. Targets movement is slowed while in a crowd and tries desperatly not to arrgo jocks. 35% chance of this spell failing if no jocks around. Target suffers fear for 5-45 seconds. (stuck-upness)

8.Getting Your Way: Make target adult feel sorry for you and give you what you want. If target is a teacher your grades are raised up to two letters. 10% chance of failing on your father. (Richness)

Any ideas are appreciated thx

MoldyRiceFrenzy · Aug 28, 2005, 12:17 AM // 00:17

Stupid Fat Chick
Attributes:
Superiority Over Less Fat People(12) Superior Rune of Ugliness
Mentally Incapeable(15) Superior Rune Of Mentally Incapeableness
Bad Taste In Clothing

7)

"PISS OFF ITS MINE" :If you are more fat than anyone else near you steal all remaining food, water and items from nearby foes and allies. You gain 1-5 Satifaction from all you have stolen.(Superiority Over Less Fat People)

Swimsuit{elite} Blind all nearby foes and allies for 1-16 days. Then all people in site take 50-300 ugliness damage. (Bad Taste In Clothing)

"Don't Go There Girlfriend!'': If you are more fat than target character and are being attacked or another character has something you want you cry '' Don't go there girlfriend! '' If character hears you he is knocked down and suffers 50-100 Humiliation Damage. Then you gain 1-5 satisfaction.(Superiority Over Less Fat People)

''Im Better Than You''{elite}:Stance. Loose all Satisfaction Points. Everyone in the area is now humiliated and wants to kill you. you gain 50 million armor vs all damage and 500 extra damage in physical. Once all things near you are dead or you are dead stance ends and you get a stroke and become stupider causing you to not be able to control your character for 6-2 minutes.(Mentally Incapeable)

Heart Attack: You get a heart attack causing you to fall on the ground. Then You get a tripple bypass and have to pay doctors $50,000. Once over you have 50% to sue the doctors for 5 billion dollars. If you receive the 5 billion you can take control of target npcs and make them kill your enemies. if you can't sue the doctors you become crippled forever, become bleeding forever, and suffer -5 to 1 humilation points.(Unlinked)

''Hey Baby'': Shout. If Target enemies near you run away in fear hoping that your not talking to them, and become blinded for 3-10 minutes.(Bad Taste Of Clothing)

Sissy Slap: Attack. Swing at your opponent 6x 50% chance to miss. If missed your attack accidently hits your opponent in the eye causing blindness for 10 years, or your finger falls in the opponents mouth causing him to scream in terror and become dazed for 2 hours.(Mentally Incapeable)